What’s next?

8 11 2009

Maybe, we’re so used to preparing for the big test that we aren’t daunted by it – it’s like a huge anti-climax. Or the sudden realisation that this is all nothing, nothing but a mere formalized institutional occasion to scratch paper with our pens, nothing but a little test of academic thinking across the nation.

 

I’m strangely calm, so calm that it’s pretty much scaring myself. It’s quite freaky really, as to perhaps how the Duchess faces her impending death. I’ve studied two years for it, people say. So what? 2/18 years of one’s life is nothing for compared to the future – not just merely the immediate future that awaits us. University, NS, all stages of life. Its no wonder when we move so fast through life, through a life’s rat race that we hardly have time to ponder our purposes in life. When it ends at retirement, we merely go – What Next?

 

What’s next?





its a game, a big competition.

21 10 2009

6:41:58 PM nerd: gd lah

6:42:05 PM nerd: how i wish i can retain

6:42:06 PM nerd: lol

6:42:12 PM nerd: think im dying soon

6:42:19 PM nerd: didnt rly do well for prelims

6:42:19 PM 小猫王:Little Elvis: probably too smart to retain being you.

6:42:33 PM nerd: as in comparing with my other classmates lah

6:42:41 PM nerd: cos HCI science very hiong de

6:42:48 PM 小猫王:Little Elvis: oh i see

6:42:51 PM 小猫王:Little Elvis: AABB?

6:43:01 PM nerd: AAAB

6:43:04 PM nerd: but GP sux

reality check, people. this is the sort of people we are competing with in the A levels. HCI one. Science though.
FML.




the psychopathic mugging spirit at work!

18 10 2009

6:43:01 PM EuGeNe: MUYAAAAAAAAAOOOOOO

6:43:06 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: wwhhhaattttt

6:43:08 PM EuGeNe: MIAOZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!

6:43:11 PM EuGeNe: SEX

6:43:12 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: WHATT

6:43:16 PM EuGeNe: dunno

6:43:18 PM EuGeNe: feel damn happy

6:43:19 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: errr. ORGASM!

6:43:22 PM EuGeNe: although a levels coming

6:43:23 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: haha wth lol

6:43:32 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: you are positively psychopathic

6:43:34 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: :D

6:43:44 PM EuGeNe: although i’m going to get owned if i dun start to work hard

6:43:52 PM EuGeNe: wat’s psychopathic?

6:44:02 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: me too! i feel like i’m not working hard enuff

6:44:15 PM EuGeNe: OI

6:44:17 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: aiya psychopathic is like…. errr. a bit screw  loose

6:44:19 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: what

6:44:19 PM EuGeNe: WHO ASK U TO COME ONLINE?

6:44:24 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: err

6:44:27 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: why cannot? :P

6:44:28 PM EuGeNe: GO AND STUDY NOW

6:44:36 PM EuGeNe: DO ONE MATHS PAPER BRING ON TUESDAY LET ME MARK

6:44:38 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: OMG the mugging ghost possessed you

6:44:44 PM MY KOR AND MUM ROCKS <3!!: OKAY YES SIR CHIABBY!






hello. this is your captain speaking.

4 10 2009

I have no idea why I remember my dreams so vividly. I just had one.

“Hello. This is your captain speaking.”

“Welcome aboard Qantas Airlines flight QF522 from Brisbane to Hong Kong. Our scheduled journey will take approximately 14 hours, and we expect that we’d be touching down at 1500 hours HK time. My name is Captain Sloane and if you have anything in particular that we may assist you with in this journey, please do not hesistate to conduct our crew and we’ll do our best to cater to your requests. Meanwhile, enjoy the flight and have a pleasant journey. Cabin crew, ready for take off.”

I annoyingly took my papers and tucked the flight table in. 14 hours by coach was not a readily enticing prospect. I was reading the International Herald Tribune, and the landmark Healthcare bill had just been signed into office by Barack Obama. And so, i thought to myself, “these seats are horrible. I felt like i had just paid 1300 bucks to get my ass pounded by polystyrene, cheap velvet and snippets of synthetic leather. at least there’s the in-flight entertainment”. I watched a re-run of “The Ugly Truth” there. It was one of the older movies on the flight, there were other much newer offerings that did not appeal to me. I was feeling himbotic at that moment and hence decided to watch this retarded romcom first. I would watch some high-brow french arthouse film later.

It was night, and there were patchy glitters of black and gold outside the window as we took off. then the plane’s right wing started glowing. and the engine caught fire, with the fringes around the engine turning a brilliant, violent orange. we were far up from the sky already, and we were making in roads into the fringes of celestial space. the stars were dazzlingly triumphant and totally unfazed by the violent, seemingly petty nature of the calamity that lay before us – our captain announced engine failure and thus asked passengers to prepare for a crash landing. My stomach lurched up as we faded off from the quiet majesty of the night sky into the fatalistic dark hands of gravity’s prowess – we hurtled fast down, 150 feet a second, while chaos ran amock in the cabin, with the crew hopelessly trying to restore calm. I thought of family for an instant; and then it switched to the sombre state of cold silence I was embedding myself in. I was calm, and strangely, prepared for death upon a realization that the face of death was staring in my face. and it was happening. so fast. so fast.

the crash was neck-breaking, so much that a gigantic hurl and a wretched jerk took my head out in a blank. the noise was astronomical – it was like being in a cinema with the sound system jacked up all the way while you stood right next to the speakers – and it was all happening real-time. in an other-wordly dramatic sense, seats were thrown right up from the floor, the plane’s floor was ripped open, in its place lay a rough smothering yet billowing black smoke that engulfed and swooped across the face of the now-shattered cabin. Acrid flames of burning white plastic and carpet and synthetic leather filled the thick, choking air, and i couldn’t breathe. fumbling, i rolled to the cracked parched earth that was blue, a contrast to the vivid vermillion that was attacking the plane with many cumbering and scuttling to their survival. and then, i could last no longer – i fell drowsed to the ground, and the last thing i saw was the brilliant diamond-studded australian night sky. (mrs long’s face pops up)

“hello, this is your captain speaking.”

i awoke.





Insomnia!

3 10 2009

Have fun, sing along! haha addicted to this song! LOL

너라는 곳을 향해 외로워도 가는 길 Love, Love, Love, Love
몇 번을 넘어져도 일어서 갈 테지 But, But, But, But
잠마저 못 들도록 너를 보다 걸려든 병, 병, 병, 병
네 사랑 갖지 못하면 나을 수 없지 영영..

영원토록 죽도록 너의 허락만 기다리고
몇 년이든 몇 생애든 너를 위해 존재하겠지만

바늘 같은 걱정을 베고서 오지 않는 잠을 청하고
꿈보다 더 생생한 네 생각 때문에 끝내 밤을 새워

Feels like insomnia, ah ah x 4

ah.. 불타는 이 사랑..
그리움에 지쳐 내리는 비 같은 눈물에 젖어도 식지 않는걸..

매일 입술을 물고서 오지 않는 잠을 청하고
꿈보다 더 생생한 네 생각 때문에 끝내 밤을 새워

Feels like insomnia, ah ah x 4





a mixed new old me.

1 10 2009

Wow, I’ve been playing like crazy after prelims. madness overwhelms me. The fun day at twin’s house playing tennis, eating strudel (haha poor yanghan) and retarded games of taboo and monopoly after that on friday; the happy mega eating ice-cream binge with SSS at ION SWENSENS on the next; some quality family time (and exercise) on sunday; and the real cool sentosa outing with SSS on tuesday, which kindly gave me lobster-red skin. Oh well, its been so fun, but I guess from my results, I’ve really got to learn to settle down now and work even harder (of which I’ve never been really good at in spite of being a Victorian for 6 years already).

My personal life is currently a very interesting one now, and very assuring as well – now that I’ve found someone for support and that someone who will always be there for me. :) I’m very happy, immeasurably happy because of this. Thank you for being there, and for being so understanding.

The time has come for me to work hard, for my grades aren’t really reflective of the efforts I’ve put in through just yet. It’s kinda annoying yet I know that this isn’t the end of the road, but I just can’t help feeling a little bit disappointed that my efforts have not been fully acknowledged. Especially for math, which was a spectacular disappointment, and international history as well. Hopefully there would be a major upset and miracle for SEA (which is highly unlikely to happen) and I can get a C instead of a D for history. SIGHS.

I don’t think I have confidence to carry on this battle, even I know that it’s only the beginning. I must find, and draw strength, all from somewhere. somehow. So many have been through this, am I good enough? ABB/A A? Is that possible to get me into NTU Mass Comm? I’m pining so much on it. I really want it. So God help me.

I want to stay strong and not to cry. Listening to the voice within, it resounds with glimmers and glimmers of hope and optimism. Yet, the face of life is immeasurably bleak.

“Do I dare

Disturb the universe?

In a minute there is time

For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse”

T. S. Eliot





the forever quotable 002

25 09 2009

To date, I have the complete sets of materials from Mu Yao’s, Eugene’s and Priscilla’s groups. THANK YOU! XOXOXOXOXO.

– In an email re. revision essays submission

Next time, if in doubt and fear, ASK. Don’t suffer in silence.

– the reassuring 002 at work.

Apparently there’s confusion over how many essays to write for me as part of your remedial programme and this seems to be causing mass panic and abject denial. Yes, I know, it’s like a Dementor attack.

– oh the solemn admissions of our great workload.

“It’s not as if one day I wake up and OOOH I’m a Nationalist!”

– 002 waking up with a sudden bout of nationalist fever striking her during tutorial.

“I don’t allow you to import!”

-002’s attempts to simplify econks.

“You need to lower the cost, because — IT RHYMES!– you need to lower the Cos-T becaaauuuuuse.”

– one of the MANY 002 bimbo moments.

“Your Chinese is worse than mine! Actually mine’s quite good.”

-a sudden realization for this ex-RGS girl. fabulous.

LVM: “Where do you get Vocational training?”
May: “Switzerland!”

– 002 cringes at may’s attempts in recalling her sec 4 SS syllabus.

“See? Everything is interlinked! What a wonderful world we live in!”

– 002’s sudden realization that this world is big after all.

“You mean I leave my notes here then one minute later *flicks around bimbotically* OH! Gone already!”

– 002 at her apparent disbelief at the conduct of some students at her alma mater.

“They need to borrow money from banks to invest — they don’t go digging it out from under your bed…….”

-002’s logical justifications for the illogical econks theory behind history

“NO TEETH!”

-002 attempts to shut us up.

“Another ‘please’ will only result in a pen stuffed in your mouth!”

– 002’s responses to mr mckee during tutorial

“You can’t say ‘I’m both hungry and not hungry at the same time’ or ‘I’m fat and not fat at the same time'”

– 002’s SBQ tutorial

(To Renee) “I disagree with you. I dare you to disagree with me…At least I didn’t pour water on you!”

– 002’s lovely retort to the fabulously royal Duchess.

“It’s a Goh-Loh battle!”

– 002’s fascination with rhyme schemes once again.

“So immensely irritating!”

– 002’s secretly secret catchphrase.

(To S62): “You all are so lucky, you can ask your CT about econs (for the topic of Economic Development in SEA.)” (to Edna): “Who’s your CT? Oh yah, me. Aiyah.”

– 002’s self-realization that she isn’t so perfect after all.

“Oh no, I’m actually secretly quite scared to call Cindy’s father.” (after a long fierce session with Cindy about calling up her parents.)

– 002’s paranoia of dealing with parents, which is why she seems like she’s more like us than a teacher. <3

“What did you all do to Mr Sayers? Why does he keep telling me each time he sees me ‘A13 is such a good class!’ Why aren’t you all like that to me?”

-002 at the discovery that the world is unfair.

“Hello my babies!”

– 002 shares her love.

“Of course I won’t say that to the SIMUN people! Can you imagine my calling ****** or ******** ‘my babies??!!'”

– 002 shares her (not so inclusive) love.

“Yeah, that stupid USA delegate…SO UGLY!”

– 002’s secret bitchfits.








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